The Cockroach and Michael Carpenter

This was originally part of a novel I was writing that included the main character of Derek, from my other short story. I realized that this didn't really make sense in the context of the book, so I decided to take it out of the book, fix it up so it makes sense out of context, and see what you guys think of it. Enjoy.

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About five years ago, I met a man by the name of Michael Carpenter. He told me that he had founded a business called Carpenter & _______ Inc. There’s a space there because Michael wanted a business partner to help him with the paperwork and shit. He asked me if I wanted to be that business partner.

I said yes.

I went with Michael to his office, and all of a sudden he looked down at the ground. There was something in the corner of the room. At first, I couldn’t really tell what it was. It was in a sort of oval shape, and it was as black as coal. I looked over at Michael, and he looked at this weird black thing as if he had seen a ghost.

Then it started moving.

As it started crawling over to our side of the room, I slowly began to realize. It was a cockroach.

Personally, I am not afraid of cockroaches. Neither was my mother. She said that cockroaches are sent down from God to test people. To see if you are strong. Contrary to what you may think, she said, if you step on a cockroach, you are weak, and if you let it walk, you are strong.

To this day, I had no idea what she meant, but in the current situation, what Michael Carpenter was about to do was most probably a sign of weakness.

As the helpless little cockroach was crawling its way over to us, Michael picked up his foot, and slammed it right on top of the poor little insect. “FUCK OFF!!” he said. I distinctly remember him saying fuck off to the cockroach carcass under his shoe.

If you think about it, fuck off is not an appropriate thing to say to a dead cockroach. By saying fuck off, you are implying that you want the dead cockroach to go somewhere else. Well of course it can’t go somewhere else, because he just stepped on it. So basically, fuck off is definitely not the proper thing to say to a dead cockroach.

In fact, there isn’t really any appropriate comment to say to a dead cockroach. I mean, what can you say.

“Hey! How’s it going down there, you know. Under my foot. Is it nice down there?”

I think that the main point that I took from this experience is that Michael Carpenter does NOT like cockroaches. And I have never asked him why.

And he has very hard shoes.